Understanding why we stay with things that no longer serve us

Life coach Kate Kilby explores the concept of ‘sunk cost fallacy’ and shares strategies for releasing yourself from the ties we feel to things that are no longer working for us

Sitting through a boring film because you’ve paid for the ticket. Holding onto the beautiful shoes that are too uncomfortable to wear. Persevering with an expensive project that’s more burden than benefit. Staying in a career because you’ve invested significant years, money, and effort into qualifications and progression. Ring any bells? Often, the biggest barrier to unshackling a mismatch is the weight of what you’ve already spent on it. This is known as the ‘sunk cost fallacy’.

The idea of walking away from something (or someone) you’ve invested time, money, or effort into can feel like a waste of resources. Loss aversion can be powerful enough to keep you clinging to what you have rather than disposing of what you don’t want. It’s a limiting, potentially damaging false logic that can impact your quality of life and risk mounting future costs.

But how do you know when it’s time to hold out for a future pay-off, and when it’s time to cut your losses? Considering the ‘sunk cost’ through a purely transactional lens can cloud you from seeing it for what it is. “All that expensive training is a waste if I don’t stay in this profession.” Or, “Those years spent at the bottom are wasted if I don’t stick with it to the top.” Simplifying the input versus output as a linear trade-off stops us from considering the more holistic cost versus gains equation.

To recognise the true costs at stake, ask yourself:

• What has this cost you (time, money, energy) until now, that you’d effectively be ‘writing off’ if you walked away?
• What will it cost you to keep the status quo, financially, emotionally, or mentally?
• What will it cost future-you if you no longer have this?
• What is the opportunity cost of sticking? What will you miss out on by continuing to choose this?

Then, on balance, consider what you stand to gain:

• What have you gained so far from this?
• What do you stand to gain in future if you keep going?
• What do you get to keep, build on, or repurpose regardless?
• What would you gain from walking away, that you can’t access by holding on?

You could even plot your answers on a matrix of: cost, gains, keep, and let go. Which quadrants are the fullest? If the scales tip towards the greater cost of persisting, or you recognise there’s more to be gained in letting go, and yet you find yourself lingering, then inspect a layer deeper. Perhaps you’re not purely holding on to the sunk investment, but also to the version of yourself and your life that you thought it would deliver. Letting go may harbour unspoken perceived losses relating to who you once were, or who you want to become.

For example, perhaps the younger version of you was energised by what now drains you. Are you clinging to the ‘old you’ who is full of hope and potential, building happy memories? Akin to living in a cluttered house, the real treasure can become hidden behind the baggage of sentimentality and nostalgia. To tackle this, channel your inner Stacey Solomon and ‘sort your life out’! Take the best bits with you and repurpose or celebrate them in a new way. Letting go of what no longer serves you will allow you to move forward lighter, wiser, and with more clarity, making space for new memories and a better quality of living.

Or perhaps there’s a future version of you that you don’t want to jeopardise. For example, you might keep your gym membership despite never going, because you want to believe you’ll one day feel good in your body and stick to a regular fitness routine. Focusing on the deeper drive (rather than persevering with the chosen vehicle) will help you re-evaluate and re-strategise. Admitting “I still want that outcome, but this isn’t a sustainable way for me to get it” creates room for new inspiration. Instead of a misspent gym membership, you might try a free running club, time block home workouts on YouTube, schedule regular chatty walks with a friend, or revisit a team sport you enjoyed in school.

Whatever you’re weighing up, survey it with fresh eyes unburdened by past investment. First, get clear on the original ‘why’ that persuaded you to invest your money, time, and energy in the first place. Does that still truly matter to you? Then ask yourself: if I were starting fresh today, knowing what I know now, would I choose this? If the honest answer is no to one or both of those questions, give yourself permission to look forward rather than backwards. What you cut, carry forward, and invest from here on is entirely yours to decide. And at the end of the day, your happiness is priceless.