How to help kids develop a growth mindset

Does your child seem unmotivated, defeated, or a bit ‘flat’? They might have a fixed mindset – characterised by giving up easily, or avoiding tasks altogether. But, it is possible to encourage kids to embrace making mistakes, and learn to grow tall through life’s challenges

“Get back on the horse.” I imagine this is something many of us have been told over the years to reframe ‘failure’, or encourage resilience. And now, as a parent of a teenager and pre-teen, I, too, unconsciously find myself reeling off those familiar sentiments of ‘stick-to-it’, especially when keeping my kids motivated in this digital age seems like an ongoing effort.

But what if, beyond these expressions, there were more effective, realistic, and practical strategies we could implement at home to help children feel empowered to learn new things, and recover from setbacks?

What is a growth mindset (for kids)?

Psychologist Dr Carol Dweck at Stanford University coined the term ‘growth mindset’ to describe the belief that somebody can develop their skills over time through effort. In her book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, she distinguishes between a fixed mindset (the view that intelligence cannot change, and that criticism is personal), and a growth mindset (that challenges are worth pursuing, and failures are opportunities): “The fixed mindset makes you concerned with how you’ll be judged; the growth mindset makes you concerned with improving.”

For children, developing a growth mindset is advantageous not just academically, but also emotionally and socially, as it helps them handle change and develop new talents. The good news is that children can shift from a fixed to a growth mindset with a bit of support.

How to encourage growth mindset habits at home

So, how do we, as mentors, teach children a growth mindset? Praising effort rather than results is a good starting point, as it helps kids take on tricky tasks, even if they don’t succeed immediately. E.g. instead of saying “You’re so clever, I knew you’d work it out,” you could say, “I saw how you stuck with it, even when it was tough. What did you learn from that?” These phrases, where you’re curious about the process, can help your child pursue self-improvement and enjoyment, rather than external validation.

With primary school age children, engaging in a crafty activity can make explanations easier. Drawing a winding path leading to a mountain’s peak, and either doodling or writing about the skills required to climb high – such as trying hard, having fun on the journey, and persevering through steeper sections – can be a fun way to demonstrate a growth mindset.

For older kids, nurturing their curiosity with a ‘no such thing as a silly question’ policy at home, as well as allowing space to take certain risks, is confidence-boosting – as is normalising mistakes and modelling a growth mindset yourself. A simple sentence like “Let’s find another approach” counts for a lot when tasks feel challenging.

Empowering growth mindset phrases for kids

We now know some phrases to use with our children, but what can they say to themselves when the going gets tough?

“I get to,” instead of “I have to.”

“I have to”, or the dreaded “I should” is a common, negative way kids might talk to themselves – my daughter, in particular, says this during music practice. However, replacing it with “I get to” shows gratitude for learning, and develops joy in our day-to-day habits.

The power of ‘yet’.

Adding this small but significant word at the end of a statement, such as “I don’t understand it… yet,” creates a path to future success. Understanding that with effort, things are possible, is at the heart of a growth mindset.

“I’m working on it.”

It’s OK to feel frustrated when figuring something out. However, true growth happens outside of the comfort zone, which is why working towards a positive goal, even if it feels hard, is essential.

Growth mindset myths

To emphasise, all emotions are valid. Praising your child’s effort with genuine enthusiasm is different from forced optimism – also known as toxic positivity – which can suppress their real feelings. The key nuance here is that a growth mindset embraces the struggle, rather than pretending everything is fine. In fact, learning about ourselves through hardship helps us accept who we really are.

What are some other misconceptions? For one thing, a growth mindset doesn’t mean never quitting. Calling it a day, or at least taking a break, is absolutely justified in some circumstances. It’s great for kids to learn that when something gets too much, they can rely on their intuition. However, the trick is knowing why. Is it fear of criticism, or simply that something isn’t the right fit? Asking your child questions that require more than a yes or no response is helpful here.

And one final myth: observing your child’s learning process instead of focusing on the outcome does not imply setting low standards. Assuming kids want to do well, and expecting them to take on more rewarding tasks, shows you believe they are capable of bigger adventures.

Beyond the known, we can all learn to stretch ourselves safely by reframing our mindset – growing those much-needed wings to rise above limitations, and start something new.