Life after therapy: What does the next chapter hold?

Ending counselling isn’t always the neat full stop we expect. Whether you feel ready to fly solo or quietly anxious about losing support, here’s how to carry what you’ve learned into your next chapter

Often, there’s no clear finish line in therapy, and because the nature of wellbeing is an ongoing journey, it can be tricky to know when you’ve done all you can. Whether it ends by choice, circumstance, or gentle encouragement, stepping away from therapy can feel both empowering, as well as unexpectedly tender.

Interestingly, research shows that the number of therapy sessions that people tend to have varies greatly. One review from 2020, published in Psychotherapy and Psychosomatics, looked at eight countries, and found the average number of sessions ranged from anywhere between two to 45 sessions. While this might indicate a general ballpark figure, most countries have policies where session numbers are capped, so it’s hard to know if more sessions could have led to different outcomes.

There are other factors at play, too. Sometimes you might have to end therapy sessions due to financial reasons, or time constraints. On the other hand, you may feel as though you’ve addressed the issues you wanted support with, and feel ready to part ways. Maybe talking therapy has served you well, but you’re feeling drawn to exploring somatic therapy or mindfulness.

Whatever the reason, life after therapy can feel like stepping into the unknown. So, with that in mind, I spoke to counsellor Donna Whitbread to get her advice on how to make the process a little smoother.

Looking back to look ahead

It can be helpful to reflect on your therapy journey, and how much you’ve changed over time. “If a client is able to clearly understand what their challenges were, and are able to look at them now without getting too overwhelmed, this means therapy has been successful,” says Donna, who explains that seeing a shift in your emotional response to a situation is a good indicator that the treatment has been impactful.

With that said, it’s natural to worry about the road ahead, especially if you’ve built a trusting relationship with your therapist, and value the support they offer. “Although therapy is a professional relationship, it is still a relationship,” says Donna, which can go some way to explaining why emotions can run high as things come to a close.

While Donna states that it would ideally be a decision made by the client, ending the therapeutic relationship is sometimes initiated by the therapist. Some of us could see that as a form of rejection, but Donna explains that, in some circumstances, it’s simply a gentle push at the right time: “Like a bird leaving the nest for the first time.”

Pause for thought

One of the simplest ways that Donna suggests you can make the most of the lessons learned during your time in therapy is to continue to show curiosity around your inner experience. “For my clients, I would expect that they are more able to think critically about themselves, and the world around them,” she says. “I would advise not acting on impulse, but to allow yourself time to think before you act, so that you are allowing yourself the space and time you deserve.”

In practical terms, journaling is an accessible way to check in with yourself – noting down your current emotional landscape, any fears or ruminating thoughts, as well as positive achievements, and things to be grateful for. If you’re particularly concerned about losing the opportunity to open up with a therapist, this can be an alternative way to express yourself without judgement. You could even try writing a letter to yourself in the tone of your therapist, tapping into their wisdom and expertise in a way that allows you to give yourself the advice you need to hear.

Continue the conversation

A Censuswide poll of 5,000 people, conducted as part of an initiative led by Mind and Rethink Mental Illness in partnership with Co-op, found that 34% of respondents would rather avoid talking about their mental health than risk an ‘awkward’ conversation. But one of the benefits of having been in therapy is that you’ve seen how these conversations can be handled well. It may be unrealistic to expect friends or family to have the same skills as a trained counsellor, but you can draw on what you’ve learned – especially your ability to approach difficult feelings with compassion and to stay in conversation, rather than shut it down.

While it can feel unnerving to nurture that relationship without a therapist by your side, it doesn’t have to mean setting aside an hour a week to deep-dive your psyche. As Donna points out, it’s all rooted in your sense of self-awareness. “Ask yourself things like: ‘How am I feeling today?’ ‘What do I really think of this?’ Because, as humans, we have a tendency to slip into autopilot, and that’s where we start to neglect our needs in life.”

Reach out to others

While the act of ending therapy can cause fear around a lack of support, it can be an opportunity to reach out to others in your social circle. This could mean being proactive in setting up a regular coffee date with a trusted friend, who you know can offer kind words, or making the effort to go to a work event, because you know you have the tendency to isolate yourself when you’re feeling low.

It’s this act of ending one kind of support that can open your eyes to the vast array of alternatives that you perhaps couldn’t engage with before you started therapy. This, in itself, can be a rewarding experience, because it shows you, in real terms, how much you’ve grown.

Returning to therapy

The thing with any wellbeing journey, or avenue of support, is that closing the book once doesn’t mean you can’t ever reopen it, as needed. If, months or years down the line, you find yourself struggling again, it’s important to remember that returning to therapy isn’t a failure. Growth isn’t linear, and new life stages, losses, relationships, or pressures can create challenges that weren’t there before.

As Donna puts it: “Humans are contradictory; we can feel happy and sad at the same time. Feeling conflicted about what you feel you need, or want, is normal. Returning to therapy when in need is a healthy practice, as it shows you want more for yourself and your future. Therapy is investing in yourself, and this, in turn, means there is no backward step.”