Grey divorce: Why separating later in life offers a chance to start over

Ending a marriage later in life brings challenges, but also unexpected opportunities to rediscover who you truly are

The breakdown of any long-term relationship, especially a marriage, comes with a lot of emotional baggage. But there’s something distinctly challenging for those going through divorce later in life – with long-established routines, social groups, and aspects of identities thrown into question, at a time where you may have been getting ready to settle into retirement with your other half.

And according to the Office for National Statistics (ONS), the divorce rate across England and Wales for people aged 50 and over is on the rise, whereas every other age group is in decline. So, why is it that older couples are opting to separate more than before? And what are the unique challenges faced by later-in-life divorces?

What is grey divorce and why is it on the rise?

‘Grey divorce’ describes the ending of a marriage for adults aged 50+, and it’s something that, according to couples and psychosexual therapist Martina Bador, is partly a result of shifting perceptions. For older couples, perhaps divorce wasn’t ‘the done thing’ when they tied the knot, but things have since changed.

“I think there is less stigma around separating than there was previously,” she says. Not only that, but Martina notes that more accessible information is empowering women, in particular, to end marriages that are no longer fulfilling. “Social attitudes are changing, and the internet has taught us a lot more about what is acceptable in a relationship,” she says.

There have been legal changes, too – such as the ‘no fault’ divorce option, which was introduced in 2022, allowing couples to initiate proceedings without assigning blame to one person.

It seems that women are the driving force behind later-life divorce – with the ONS noting that 62% of divorces in England and Wales were initiated by women in 2019, and this figure rising to around 70% in the US – and this is widely agreed to be for a number of reasons. These include greater financial independence for women (they can afford to leave), and, often, any children have grown and left home – this uncomplicates things to a greater extent, so more generally divorce is less complex than it was in the past.

A 2025 report (Beyond the Break, compiled by NOON for law firm Mishcon de Reya and Julius Baer International), focused on women in midlife, found that emotional drivers for divorce remain familiar: relationships drifting apart; long-standing conflict; or a misalignment that becomes harder to ignore after children leave home. While the process is far from simple, the data also reports that a third (31%) of those interviewed said that they were the “happiest they had ever been”.

So, how can you navigate divorce later in life?

Feel the fear

Whether you’re contemplating asking for a divorce, are processing the fact that your partner has asked for one, or are midway through the paperwork, it’s normal to experience a deep sense of grief about what you’re losing, as well as worries about the future.

“I think that fear is the biggest feeling to face,” says Martina. “People often wonder: what will my life look like? How will I cope? What if I want to have another relationship?” And while these worries are very real, and will likely need addressing at some point, Martina suggests trying to put a limit on how long you linger in this headspace.

“If you’ve been anxiously thinking about something for more than 20 minutes, and you’re not coming up with any answers, go for a walk, listen to music, do something with your hands – whatever allows you to stop thinking for a minute or two.”

As much as you can, try to counteract the thoughts about negative outcomes with alternative, or co-existing, positive outcomes, too. “Human beings are enormously resilient, but generally, we don’t like not knowing what will happen. If we can imagine something good, it reassures us; I think that’s helpful when you’re feeling overwhelmed,” says Martina.

“It might not seem this way at the time, but separation is an opportunity to reassess and take stock,” says Martina. “To think about doing things differently, and to wonder about new possibilities.”

Focus on you

Breaking away from a long-term partnership can mean a shift in responsibilities. Where, in the past, you may have spent your days earning a wage to do things with your other half, or cooking meals with them in mind, going solo can feel like it lacks meaning.

Having all that extra time and space to yourself, outside of the couple dynamic, can throw up lots of questions about who you are as a single identity.

“Being part of a couple over a long period of time, creates ‘grooves’ that our life runs along. We have set ways of doing things, and activities we like to do,” says Martina. “We know who we are, in relation to this other person. But when we separate, we have to rethink who we are.”

Martina acknowledges that this is a scary prospect, especially if you haven’t given it much thought until now. But talking with trusted friends, or perhaps a therapist, can create a safe container for you to explore these questions around your identity without judgement.

If you have adult children, you may find yourself acting as a shoulder to cry on as they process the divorce, but remember to find a space where you can express your emotions, too.

“Try to consider what’s possible. It’s an opportunity to do what you want to do, without having to worry about considering someone else’s needs,” she says. “It’s a chance to wonder about the things you can do, and a chance to create a future that’s got your wants and needs at the heart of it.”

When you’re ready, making time for hobbies can be a way to not just find answers, but take care of your mental health along the way. For example, research in a 2025 paper, published in Issues in Mental Health Nursing, found that hobbies facilitate relaxation and pleasure, playing a crucial role in mitigating anxiety, stress, and depression, while promoting overall life satisfaction.

Find a support network

Divorce can feel isolating, especially if many of your friends are still in long-term partnerships, or the separation has caused divided loyalties within your social circle. You might worry about being the odd one out at dinner parties, or feel like you’re burdening people with your problems – but reaching out at this time is essential.

Consider joining groups specifically for people who are navigating later-life divorce, or explore activities where you can meet new people outside of your established social circle. Online communities, like Facebook groups, can provide connections without talking face-to-face.

Don’t be afraid to get practical support, too – whether that’s a therapist to process the complex emotions, or a financial advisor to get advice about your future. Many people also find solicitors who specialise in later-life divorce particularly helpful, as they understand the considerations around pensions, property, and retirement plans.

Most importantly, be patient with yourself. Divorce doesn’t follow a neat timeline, and there will be difficult days alongside the hopeful ones. But, with the right support, and a willingness to rediscover yourself, this ending can also be a new beginning.