Ask the Experts: How to develop (and utilise) EQ in the workplace

Coach Antonia Bartels on why emotional intelligence shapes how you lead, respond under pressure, and support others at work

What is emotional intelligence, and why does it matter in your career?

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is about understanding what’s going on inside you, and managing how it lands with others. Psychologist Daniel Goleman describes it as a combination of self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skill.

In practice, it shows up in small moments: how you respond when challenged in a meeting; the tone of a late-night email; or whether impatience leaks out when you’re under pressure.

The ability to work well with others is a core reason people are hired and promoted. That is EQ in action, even if it’s labelled as communication, judgement, or executive presence. Technical ability opens doors, but EQ determines how effectively you operate once responsibility increases. The more responsibility you hold, the more your patterns shape culture, morale, and performance. It also influences whether people feel safe bringing you the truth, which directly affects the quality and speed of your decisions. Without actively seeking feedback and reflecting on your impact, blind spots can be unintentionally formed.

How can I stay calm under pressure?

The most effective leaders understand the cost of depletion, and plan for rest. When you’re tired, judgement slips and tone sharpens. Rest is not simply a reward at the end of the day – it protects decision quality when stakes are high.

Most of us now operate in an ‘always on’ environment, with constant messages, competing demands, and little time to reset. In that context, snapping is often a capacity issue, rather than a personality one. This can be especially relevant for people who experience higher levels of cognitive or sensory demand, including many neurodivergent individuals.

When it happens, it’s rarely the whole of you reacting. Usually, it is one part taking the wheel: the perfectionist trying to avoid criticism; the controlling part trying to maintain credibility; or the urgent part fearing failure.

Notice which part is leading and name it: ‘My perfectionist is in the driver’s seat.’ That simple step creates space. You can acknowledge the warning, without handing over control. Staying calm under pressure begins with noticing what’s driving you – and consciously choosing your response.

How can I support others, without feeling emotionally drained?

If people consistently come to you with their problems, it’s likely because you feel steady and trustworthy. That’s valuable, but without boundaries, it can become exhausting.

Early in my coaching practice, I realised that absorbing people’s emotions wasn’t helpful – for them or me. Working with those navigating redundancy, career transitions, and big life changes, I saw how easily fear transfers. Instead, I learned to work compassionately, without taking their emotions on as my own.

Compassion allows you to care deeply, while staying grounded. Effective support requires presence, not emotional absorption. You can acknowledge someone’s struggle, without taking on the responsibility for fixing it.

If you regularly leave conversations feeling depleted, it’s a sign that something needs adjusting. Caring deeply does not require carrying everything. Boundaries allow you to keep showing up well.

How do you model EQ for kids, when you’re still learning yourself?

If you want children to develop emotional awareness, they need to see it in action. They’ll learn far more from how you handle your feelings, than from anything you say.

Many of us are doing emotional work later in life, unpacking patterns inherited from our own childhood, or earlier generations. What matters most is the willingness to reflect and repair.

It’s also important to recognise that avoidance is not the same as regulation. Showing no emotion, shutting down, or pretending everything is fine can be just as unhelpful as explosive reactions. Children need to see emotions expressed in healthy ways, not just hidden.

If you snap during a rushed morning, going back later and saying, “I was overwhelmed and I didn’t handle that well,” teaches far more than pretending nothing happened, demonstrating awareness and accountability.

Doing your own work – through therapy, coaching, or self-reflection – helps you understand your triggers and protective responses. The more conscious you become of them, the less likely you are to pass them on. But remember: there is no flawless parent. What helps children most is seeing emotions recognised, managed, and repaired consistently.

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