Ask the experts: Can counselling help me navigate a late ADHD diagnosis?

Diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) in later life? Integrative counsellor Aga Kaperek explores the support available

What are some key signs of ADHD in adults?

ADHD in adults doesn’t always look the way people expect. It’s often hidden behind high-functioning masks, or years of coping strategies. Common signs include chronic overwhelm, time blindness, difficulty starting or finishing tasks, emotional intensity, and forgetfulness that disrupts everyday life. It can feel like you’re always running late, physically or mentally, never quite catching up. You might interrupt, fidget, or say the ‘wrong’ thing, then lie awake replaying it all.

Many adults carry a deep sense of shame or self-doubt, shaped by years of being misunderstood. ADHD can also show up as perfectionism, people-pleasing, or anxiety. Especially for women and gender-diverse people, symptoms were often previously missed or written off. Instead of being supported, many were told they were lazy, hormonal, or just needed to try harder.

Recognising these patterns isn’t about pathologising your past – it’s about making sense of it, and beginning to relate to yourself with more understanding, and less blame.

Is it common to feel a mix of emotions after being diagnosed with ADHD later in life?

Yes, and often the strongest emotion is one people don’t expect: grief. Not the loud, dramatic kind, but a quiet, persistent sadness for all the years spent not knowing. The missed support. The energy wasted on masking, blaming yourself, or trying to be someone you weren’t. There’s relief, too – things finally make sense – but it’s layered with anger, regret, and ‘what if’ questions: ‘What if I’d been seen sooner? What if I’d known it wasn’t my fault?’

This kind of grief isn’t about losing a person, but losing time, opportunities, and self-trust. And because it’s hard to name, it often goes unspoken.

A diagnosis doesn’t fix everything, but it gives language to something you’ve always felt. Therapy can be a space to sit with that complexity – to feel it all without rushing to fix it. Grief isn’t indulgent. It’s part of understanding yourself in a new, more compassionate way.

In what ways can counselling support someone adjusting to a late ADHD diagnosis?

Counselling offers space to sit with the complexity of late diagnosis – the grief, the relief, the anger, and the questions that won’t settle. It’s a place where you don’t have to mask or perform. Therapy can help name and process the pain of being misunderstood for so long, whether by teachers, employers, family, or even yourself. It also gives you a chance to explore identity without the weight of ‘shoulds’.

Many clients find themselves rethinking their whole life story through this new lens. Patterns that once seemed like failures start to make sense. The goal isn’t to change who you are – it’s to understand how your brain works, and how to support it with less shame. A good therapist won’t expect you to be tidy, organised, or consistent. They’ll meet you where you are, and walk with you from there, at your own pace, without judgement.

What are your top tips for navigating daily life as an adult with ADHD?

There’s no perfect system, and that’s OK. But here are a few things that can help:

• Use external tools. Lists, alarms, reminders – whatever works for you. It’s not cheating. It’s support.

• Chunk tasks into smaller parts. ‘Open the email’ is sometimes all you need to start.

• Respect your energy. Learn when your focus flows best, and when rest is non-negotiable.

• Work with (not against) your brain. If you need movement, music, or novelty, lean into it.

• Give yourself grace. You’re not lazy or broken. You’ve probably worked twice as hard as others just to stay afloat.

There’s a lot of noise out there – planners, productivity hacks, endless advice. Take what helps and leave the rest. The most important thing is building a life that fits you, not forcing yourself to fit a life that doesn’t.

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